You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
