Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
