but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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