Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize