Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
