shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
