hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
