Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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