I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize