Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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