Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
