Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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