how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
