So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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