i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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