im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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