More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
