If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
