You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
