look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm too high and old for this...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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