maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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