She went from zero to smokin in five shots
People in love make me want to vomit
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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