So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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