At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have tasted many bathrooms
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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