i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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