Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
