Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
