so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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