I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
