So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
