Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The maid of honor just puked.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
