you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
