I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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