Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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