Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
