yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
