Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
