I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
