his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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