dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
