he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize