Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
