i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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