i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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