were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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