she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
