Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
