I can text with my tongue
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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