We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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