Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
