I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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