i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
