i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
