I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
