i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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