just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
