connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
