Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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