So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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