Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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