OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
