i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
