If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize