Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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