I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I want to be your penis for a week.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
