I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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