Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
