if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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