a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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