ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
