you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
