I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
are you so shy because you have an std?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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