Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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