"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
this hospital has no fireball
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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