belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
