After last night, I could never be a politician.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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