So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
