I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
