Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize