I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am available for nakedness
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
