Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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