Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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