And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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