Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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