I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
