The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
