He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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