8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
