This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
