is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
