My underwear smells like fireworks.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
