I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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