I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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