smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
