i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
